Monday 18 October 2010

Burrito Fail III, IV and V

Yes that's right. 3 (Three) burrito fails in less than 24 hours.

How so, you may ask?

Well it started yesterday. Kinga was still in Poland so I had nobody to brunch with. Lost and confused I decided a burrito would solve all my problems and stopped at Tortilla in Southwark for what was to be my saviour. Unfortunately the place was closed, and I had to go to Pret instead. That was Burrito Fail III.

Today saw Burrito Fails IV and V. Jason, my esteemed colleague, had some vouchers for Chilango for free burritos. We'd been putting off using them for a while, but today we finally decided to trek to Fleet Street to collect our prize (well, his prize, but I was sharing the glory). Unfortunately upon our arrival we found Chilango was closed! Disaster! We were stuck, unsure what to do next. Following a crude sign pointing to an alternative source of burritos (which was a sandwich shop not worth our time) we happened upon another branch of Caffé Vergnano 1882. I have not written about Vergnano before, but they have good coffee. My lovely Roman friends say it's the best they've had in London, and they are fussy coffee drinkers. We tried walking past but couldn't resist temptation (sirens of Lantana, eat your hearts out), and proceeded to wander aimlessly in search of burrito nutrition. We then found what appeared to be a combined burrito falafel venture called La Mexicana or something, but on further investigation found it to be displeasing. This in itself was not a burrito fail, however at this point my Daddy Donkey proximity warning activated. Yes that's right, we were within 250m of Daddy Donkey. So that's where we went. It was almost as if I knew there was going to be another burrito fail. Could this be the beginning of the end? A burrito catastrophe of biblical proportions? Possibly.

The queue for Daddy Donkey was not as long as usual. This was the first warning, though the place still smelt like Mexico so we were full of hope. We got our burritos (smaller than usual, another concern) and this is where Burrito Fail V took place. Yes that's right folks, Burrito Fail used in the same paragraph as Daddy Donkey. The burrito, whilst finely constructed, was assembled inconsistently. Instead of an even combination of succulent chicken, rice, sour cream, cheese and beans, I first had the bland taste of all the rice at one end, followed by the chicken, followed by (in Jason's words) a face full of sour cream, followed by all the chilli sauce and beans together at the end. Strangely, by the end of the burrito I could taste the excellence (largely due to the chilli sauce), but it was still a fail. Fail fail fail. Daddy Donkey falls at least 3 places in the Burrito ranking.

So who's number 1? Well Chipotle still charge £1.40 for guacamole despite much protest, and I found out the other day that in New York it's the same price ($2). So.... Benito's Hat is the new Daddy.

Here is my current ranking:

1. Benito's Hat - Benito's Hat will one day be so big it overshadows all other burritos.
2. Chilango - Chill and go :)
2. Chipotle - If BMW made Burritos, they would be Chipotles.
4. Tortilla - They are rapidly expanding so they must be doing something right!
5. Daddy Donkey - Sadly no longer the daddy of donkeys.
5. El Burrito - Given that this place is run by Mestizo, it should be much higher in the list!
7. Mas Burritos - The problem with these is that they aren't mas. They are really stingy on fillings :(
8. Burro Burrito (not my ranking, placed there by the New York chapter of the International Burrito League, and ahead of 1910 because KFC make a better burrito with the Zinger Twister than them).
9. 1910 Mexican Kitchen
10. Mexicali - I didn't think it was possible to make a burrito worse than 1910, but Mexicali manage it, and then some.

Still haven't managed to try Burrito Bros yet... but on looking at their website it looks like they do free local delivery on orders over £10. I wonder if our office is local :o


  1. I was going to ask if it were possible to have a burrito fail of Biblical proportions if burritos aren't mentioned in the Bible.

    Exodus 12:8 possibly alludes to them ("That same night they are to eat the meat roasted over the fire, along with bitter herbs, and bread made without yeast."), although that could also be kebabs.

    I briefly looked into whether they'd have used a donkey reference instead, but then found Ezekiel 23:20 and thought it best to stop.

  2. Exodus 12:8 is clearly about burritos. Kebab is just Arabic, Farsi and Turkish for burrito.