Monday 12 September 2011

Planes, trains and automobiles III

Part 3 - Automobiles

I've been a fan of automobiles for as long as I can remember. It all started when I was very young. I loved cars and could name every car I saw on the road before I could read or write. I've had lots of cars in my time, and I got myself a motorbike license because I didn't want to have to take the tube to get to college every day.

Fast forward about 17 years and I now have a BMW 3-series, like everyone else. It's a green 325 convertible, and along with the car I'm a prominent member of a forum for the car, where people of various ilk come together to discuss them. This ranges from genuine technical problems to what modifications to get. I swear some of them have spent too much time on eBay convincing themselves they need things that they don't. They yearn to be different from the crowd, but they all end up being the same. If they really didn't want to be the same as everyone else, they probably should have got a Volvo or Saab, or waited for the new Dacia Duster. You think I'm joking but I really like it and will probably buy one when they come out in the UK some time next year.
Anyway I digress. These people have convinced themselves that a small curved tube light in each headlamp will make them as awesome as Chuck Norris, and that they will have the fighting prowess of Bruce Lee if they fit illegal Xenon headlamp conversions.
They will become James Bond if they fit wheels so big, the only way to fit them is to use elastic bands for tyres, and because they are now so awesomely famous they need to become stealthy Knight Riders by tinting their windows and replacing all the chrome with fake carbon fibre wrapping.

I once went to a meet up for the forum, which consisted mostly of a bunch of fat blokes wearing hoodies, eating donuts and talking about what polish they used to clean their cars. Those not eating donuts stood around with their hands in their pockets.

I am not well regarded on this forum for a number of reasons. First, my car is green. Everyone thinks green is rubbish - they all want black, blue or silver. It probably goes better with their carbon. Almost everyone who sees my car loves the colour though. The guys at my BMW specialist garage reckon I should take it to shows! The second reason I am disliked is my car is a convertible. Apparently only hairdressers drive convertibles. Most hairdressers I know can't afford a car though. There was an old guy at the barber I went to as a child who had an old Volvo; He was probably too individual to get a BMW. Thirdly, my car has wood trim. Apparently this expensive factory option is considered something for old people. It has to be plastic or carbon. It must be really weird in these people's homes, walking around on a fake carbon wrapped plastic floor.
Finally I am quite opinionated. You see, I am not afraid to share my views, so I have developed a reputation amongst many members as someone rather unsavoury.

But none of that matters! One of the moderators of this forum, upon reading a post I wrote, took the time to congratulate me on my blog! Apparently he wasted 2 hours reading my rantings! I am now one step closer to world domination!!

So back to automobiles. I have something of a love-hate relationship with the car. It's nice and I really like it, but it's so demanding. I had to spend a fortune on he sound system to get iPod and Bluetooth working. No sooner do I spend money getting one thing fixed than it develops some new rattle or squeak. It's a proper money pit, and that's without insurance or petrol. It was recently in the garage though, and for a couple of weeks I had to go without it. Let's just say when I got back in the car on Saturday I was elated. I drove home smiling from ear to ear, again yesterday even in heavy traffic, and again today commuting to and from work.

Automobiles aren't just cars though. Let's not forget motorbikes. A while back I mentioned I'd part exchange my Ducati for a German bike at some point. This has now happened and I am the proud owner of a racing colours BMW S1000RR. Insurance is a rip off and the bike cost a fortune, but I love it! It's a gazillion times better than the Ducati it replaced :D


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